ROYAL WEDDING DRINKING GAME

If you're anything like me (and if you are, sorry), you're going to need a stiff drink to get through watching the Royal Wedding with your family and/or friends.

 Can't help but wonder what Hunter S. Thompson would have made of all this   

Can't help but wonder what Hunter S. Thompson would have made of all this

 

So here's some sweet, sweet drinking game rules to gradually numb you until it's time to turn the telly off and fire up the BBQ before a couple of months of blessed relief until she gets pregnant and the collective insanity starts again.

TAKE A DRINK WHEN:

Anyone brings up how much Diana would have loved to be there. As opposed to dying young in a car crash, presumably.

Your mildly racist auntie or mate from school says something disparaging about Meghan like 'You know, she's divorced' or 'well, I don't think she's that pretty'. Not pretty, Aunt Esme? F*cking LOOK AT HER!

Knock your drink if they then say something like 'but it's not because she's black' and then bite your tongue because your mam's giving you the 'remember what happened at Christmas dinner when you mentioned your mate Iqbal' look.

Some absolute jeb wearing a Union Jack suit or Britannia outfit says something that makes you want to cob your glass at the screen. 'I've been camping here since Kate had her baby!' Then you're a gibbering idiot and you probably stink, mate.

Your republican social justice warrior mate says something airy and smug like 'think how many nurses this could have paid for' or 'something something Daily Mail something vinyl something something vegan'.

One of your mates gives an audible, tabloid-style 'PHWOAR!' when they see a hot minor royal or Pippa or someone in a military uniform. Knock your drink if it's Camilla they're referring to.

Every time George or Charlotte do something cute. Yes, this one isn't as mean-spirited as the rest, but they're kids and actually quite adorable. Irritatingly.

Whenever Harry's military service is mentioned. Knock your drink if they bring up the fact that a British prince straight up killed people in a helicopter in Afghanistan. Which is pretty f*cking mad if you think about it.

Someone makes a joke about the fact that someone who once wore a Nazi outfit as a joke is now marrying a black woman. Again, f*cking mad.

Harry does a mildly amusing funny face or something and everyone laughs like he's the mutant offspring of Bill Hicks and Richard Pryor.