Clouded, the future is part 2: Feedback of the Clones

The article I wrote about potential X-Wing releases had some lovely feedback with ship suggestions so I decided to write another article expanding on potential, if very unlikely, releases. Thanks to everyone who read it and commented. Let’s just dive in shall we?

Jedi Vector

Jedi Vector

I very much enjoyed the High Republic novels and the concept and comic art of the time period has given rise to. The Jedi Vector is the light agile fighter used by knights like Avar Criss in their battle against the pirate army of the Nihil and is derived from unused concept art from the sequels. It’s a simple and elegant design but the only faction it could conceivably fit into is the Republic – the High Republic is set 200 years before Episode 1 – but it’s role there is serviced by the Eta-2. Still, pilot potential abounds with the rich and diverse Jedi of the period.

T-85 X-Wing

T-85 X-Wing

Seen briefly in the Resistance cartoon, the T-85 is the New Republic’s next iteration of the chassis and reportedly has stealth technology. Does the game need yet another X-Wing? Not really. Does the Resistance need two variants of virtually the same ship? Not really. Is the design inspired? Not a bit. Sorry for being negative on this one, but I really do find it shrug-worthy.

Tie Dagger, part of the Sith Eternal or Final Order or whatever the hell they were

Tie Dagger

A nice, if slightly uninspired, design and considering how mysterious/undeveloped the Final Order was in RoS, the designers would have a clean slate when it comes to pilots. However, it shares the same problem as the X-85 in that the First Order definitely isn’t crying out for another interceptor with the Reaper, Tie/ba, and Whisper all on hand.

Night Buzzard

Night Buzzard

The Knights of Ren’s transport combines the FO aesthetic with a bit of Scum grime and I’d like to see that translated to a miniature. Be nice to have another medium or a standard list large base for FO and each of the Knights could be pilots as, again, their characters are a bit of a blank slate. Maybe it could carry deployable FO spacetroopers like the Gauntlet?

Eta-class shuttle

Eta-class shuttle

Baylan Skoll is an intriguing and nuanced villain (I’ve loved Ray Stevenson since the BBC’s Rome TV series) and the Eta-class is a fine-looking ship. Like the snubfighters seen in the pursuit of Ahsoka, Skoll could be joined by pilots like Marrok, Shin, and Morgan Elsbeth.

Multi-faction goodness abounds as the ship once served the Jedi Order, and who’s to say Plo Koon and his Jedi and clone buds never took the wheel?

Stinger Mantis. Fallen Order was a 7/10 game with a Star Wars skin. Yeah, I said it

Stinger Mantis

I think I may be prejudiced here as I thought the Fallen Order video game was wildly overrated, but this design doesn’t do it for me. It’s not bad but a bit meh. Opinions may differ, obviously. A medium base ship with a force-sensitive pilot could be fun. Factions: Rebels and Scum maybe?

Ark Angel II

Ark Angel II/IV

The YV-666 card may have scratched the Dr Aphra itch (and it’s such good fun to use), but does her actual ship deserve a release? Well, there are a few different ships with the title (The good doctor gets into a LOT of scrapes) so choice abounds. The Ark Angel II design is the most well-known and I’ve seen a few lovely painted up 3D print jobs, but for me the Ark Angel IV looks coolest. Maybe we could get 0-0-0 and BT-1 pilots? 

Ark Angel IV. Pretty cool, no?

Clouded, the future is: What X-Wing ships could be incoming?

Clouded, the future is: What X-Wing ships could be incoming?

Following the release of the YT-2400, new starter packs, and Tie Bomber twin pack, do we dare to dream AMG will be scrambling new ships in the near future? And if they do, what can we look forward to?

The tabletop gaming community loves speculating about upcoming releases and each new Star Wars show has us pilots scouring the screen to see what ships could one day make it to the mat.

So join me, you scruffy-looking nerfherder, as I break down the prominent ships of a galaxy far, far away that you may one day clutch in your sweaty, trembling fingers. Mild spoilers ahead.

The no-brainers

Ahsoka’s T-6 shuttle

Vying for the most anticipated X-Wing release with the Mando N-1 is the T-6 shuttle. We’ve seen this in various media but recently in glorious live action on the Ahsoka TV show.

The YT-style T-6 would translate well to the multi-faction model we’ve seen with the Rogue-class, YT-2400, and Gauntlet fighter releases as it could easily slide into Rebels, Republic, and Scum lists. Pilots could include Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan, crew could include Huyang (the Jedi droid who isn’t shy about throwing robohands) and a new crew/gunner for Sabine. Could also see Ezra pilot depending on what happens in Ahsoka.

I’d love to see this on the table with the Ghost please AMG. PLEASE PLASTIC CRACK DADDY, SAMMY NEED!

Din Djarin's N-1 starfighter

Say what you like about the prequels, the designs used were magnificent and daringly different (as opposed to blue X-wings and black Ties). The N-1 starfighter looks great in chrome and the chassis already exists so this one feels like an easy win.

However, it’s bespoke to Mando and that limits the amount of pilots, although it could fit into both Scum and Rebel lists. Maybe a few Mando pilot variants a la IG-88 and a new Child crew card?

Luthen Rael’s Modified Fondor Haulcraft

Andor was a beautifully-written and acted shot in the arm for the franchise and Luthen Rael (oh that SPEECH) could do the same to the game thanks to his personal transport.

The design is great –distinctive and very ‘Star Wars’ at the same time – so it would be great to see it on the table for that reason alone. But the real attraction of the Haulcraft is the weapons Rael uses to escape the Empire.

The side-mounted beam cannon is a great opportunity for a new weapon, perhaps with a bullseye side arc, and the gun that takes out the Tie Bombers is an opportunity for a new automated turret, especially as we still only have dorsal and ion. The charge-up flak cannon Rael uses to destroy the dish on the Cantwell-class Arrestor Cruiser also presents the possibility of a new illicit or rear arc ordnance. It could even be triggered if the ship is given a tractor token.

The nice-to-haves

Snubfighter from Ahsoka

Can’t find what this small fighter is called so I’m just naming it the snubfighter for now. The design has split opinion but I like the Belbullab/Fireball mashup style.

The potential here arises from the pilot opportunities. Force users Marrok and Shin were seen flying it in the pursuit of Ahsoka and it isn’t a stretch for it to include Baylan Skoll or Morgan Elsbeth. For multi-faction, I’d say Empire and Scum given that Skoll and chums are killers for hire.

Omicron-class attack shuttle

The Bad Batch’s Marauder is a fan-favourite ship and the streamlined Lambda class aesthetic is pretty cool.

The Bad Batch themselves are rich pickings for pilots, gunners and crew but the faction is pretty limited to the Republic – not necessarily a bad thing considering the faction’s dearth of big base ships. Maybe Scum or Imperial at a push, but those wacky clones left the nascent Empire fairly early doors.

Pirate snubfighter and Riot Mars bounty hunter fighter

I’m lumping these together as they’re both in the Mandalorian TV show and both Scum. The pirate snubfighter seems a little meh design-wise and its role in the game is covered by the M3A, but the BH fighter has potential to replace the still criminally-defunct Kihraxz as the ‘Scum X-Wing’.

Obviously, lack of named pilots is an issue apart from Vane the cowardly pirate and Riot Mars but if they can make up a T-70 pilot named after a Beastie Boys album they can make up some space recidivists to chuck in the hot seat.

Honourable mentions

Fanblade and Umbaran starfighter

Both introduced in the Clone Wars and ripe with design choices, if not pilots apart from Assaj. The way the Umbaran starfighter moves is interesting, so maybe some sidesloop madness on the dial, but can’t help feel there are many, many other deserving candidates if AMG has more ships on the radar.

Power plants: How sport and veganism combine

I recently wrote a couple of articles for the Independent about the growing number of vegan athletes. Please take a look:

Ace Adams, the super middleweight boxer

Patrik Baboumian, German powerlifter

SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA? Crazy IKEA furniture conspiracy theory has internet in stitches

No pick-up on this fun little story, so decided to put it on here:

A bizarre conspiracy theory claiming IKEA display furniture is larger than the product customers buy has emerged online.

Internet crackpots claim the Swedish furniture giant tricks customers into buying slightly smaller flat-pack kits than those seen in stores – and then pockets cash from the material saved.

Twitter user @prophethusband wrote: “My dad just called from the car to tell me there’s a conspiracy theory at IKEA where the showroom furniture is bigger than the ones you buy. He said it’s just by an inch or so but it’s enough to make you feel crazy.”

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

A true believer responded: “You're making MILLIONS of 10 foot couches. Using 5% less material on each one wouldn’t benefit them? Basic business amigo”, while another added: “They absolutely would save millions on materials with how many pieces they produce.”

Naysayers pointed that the conspiracy can be blown wide open by using a tape measure – and that IKEA provides paper tape measures in-store.

But one sleuth pointed out: “Does that mean the free tape measurers they have there have also been tampered with?!?!”

IKEA workers also pooh-poohed the theory, with one stating: “As someone who works at IKEA…. we take things straight from the warehouse.”

A spokesperson for IKEA said: “As much as we’ve enjoyed watching the conversation play out, we can confirm that our showroom products are exactly the same dimensions as those on sale.”

Subway has also been targeted by angry size-conscious customers who claimed the sandwich chain was selling footlong subs that were actually shorter. In 2017 the US appeals court threw out a class-action settlement that Subway deceived customers by selling ‘footlong’ subs that were less than a foot long.

SHORTS ATTENTION BAN: Iranian state TV censors Tottenham vs Man Utd – because of assistant referee’s bare legs

This story I did from an Iranian campaign group I’ve reported on before got some good pick-up. Click on images for link:

Game of Drones: How Dead Pixels gets gaming and fantasy fans so wrong

Channel 4’s gaming comedy Dead Pixels is back for a second series and is, so far, as unfunny and packed with outdated stereotypes as the first.

The sitcom follows a group of gamers as they navigate both their real lives and the digital world of Kingdom Scrolls, a World of Warcraft-style MMORPG.

The writers are presumably hoping to capture at least some of the monumental success of US nerd comedy goliath the Big Bang Theory, but fail to match even that slick-yet-mediocre level of comedy.

Do you find this picture inherently funny? You might be Dead Pixel’s target audience

The core problem is the main characters, who conform to every lazy gamer stereotype there is. They are socially awkward, struggle with hygiene, eat poorly, don’t go outside, are opinionated and rude, neglect their loved ones, and are letting their lives pass them by for the sake of grinding and questing.

Grow up. Gaming is a huge industry enjoyed by a vast array of people. The neckbeards do exist of course, but why focus only on them?

I don’t play MMORPGs as I dislike the grind and time-intensive nature of them, but I am an unashamed fantasy and sci-fi loving tabletop and video gamer. The friends I have made through fandom have numerous interests and personality types, yet all we get in Dead Pixels are one-dimensional characters.

The lazy stereotyping could easily be forgiven if it was actually funny, but it’s not.

Dead Pixels expects us to laugh by simply presenting the world of MMORPGs to viewers. It wastes its premise by showing gaming tropes without insight or wit.

‘Look’, it says, ‘gamers are pervy about women who stream games!’. If you’re waiting for a punchline, that’s it. That’s the joke.

Similarly, an episode in series two sees one character develops a crack-like addiction to loot boxes and starts selling his property to fund his addiction. He tries to flog his ties and underwear to colleagues. What’s the pay-off? There isn’t one. That is the entirety of the gag.

Gamers eat poorly? Hilarious! Nerds have strong opinions on film casting? UH OH! They act as franchise gatekeepers? Nurse, my sides, the needle!

Actual gamers know all this and even non-gamers are dimly aware of these issues. Who is this even for?

The far-superior Channel 4 comedy The IT Crowd uses the premise of IT nerds as a launchpad – not the only joke. It also benefits from committing to surreal situations, while Dead Pixels lies in an unsatisfying hinterland of realism and goofiness, benefitting from neither.

The show aims for moments of pathos but they’re hampered by the sheer unlikability of the characters. There are scenes where main character Meg laments the wasted life opportunities her obsession has cost her, but she’s so superior, rude, and self-pitying you simply don’t care.

What I cannot fault are the cast. Alexa Davies as Meg and Will Merrick as Nicky are undoubtedly great comedy actors but are badly let down by the script. The only gags that do land are largely driven by their commitment. They deserve better.

As a gamer, I was looking forward to laughing at my own fandom thanks to Dead Pixels, but it is as depressing and unsatisfying as the lives of the characters it portrays.

‘Sex work is becoming normal to teens’ – Youth expert says kids as young as 14 see stripping and sugar daddy websites as ‘easy money’

Really enjoyed working on this Mirror feature with youth expert Chloe Combi. Click on image for link

Horrific attack

My story about the vile homophobic attack on Uruguyan airline attendant Melania Geymonat went wider than I ever could have expected.

Fox News

Sun Online

Metro Online

Here's what's wrong with that Forbes article about Michael Jackson documentary Leaving Neverland

At the end of January Forbes published an article prompted by the documentary Leaving Neverland that defenders of Michael Jackson have been circulating on social media as evidence of his innocence.

In it music writer Joe Vogel concludes: “My assessment is that the evidence simply does not point to Michael Jackson's guilt.”

The writer outlines circumstances that he believes indicate the singer’s innocence. Here’s an analysis of his main points:

Wade Robson. HBO

Why has Wade Robson only come forward now?

The article starts by outlining how accuser Wade Robson, one of two men who claim to have been victims of child sex abuse by Jackson in the two-part documentary, paid a heartfelt tribute to Jackson when he died.

It also highlights how he testified on the star’s behalf in the 2005 trial – where Jackson was found innocent of all charges including four counts of molesting a minor –and how he enjoyed barbecues with Jackson and his children decades after his alleged abuse took place.

On the face of it, it does seem odd that Robson did these things, only to come out with the allegations years later. Robson says that after he married and had a son he suffered two nervous breakdowns that finally forced him to reveal the alleged abuse to a therapist and his family.

“It was just pain and disgust and anger of the idea of that or something like that or anything like that happening to my son,” he said.

The depressing truth is extreme repression and denial among victims of child sexual abuse is common. And the complex emotional attachments formed by manipulative child abusers – Robson speaks of his love for Jackson in the documentary – may also have factored into his actions, even into adulthood.

Ron Zonen, a prosecutor in the 2005 trial who has tried many sex-abuse cases, told Vanity Fair that for male victims testimony “has to be on their terms”.

“They finally decide to disclose when the pain becomes unbearable and it’s not going to get better until they talk to somebody and tell the truth about it.”

Lawsuits

The article brings up the unsuccessful $1.5 billion dollar civil lawsuit brought by Robson and co-accuser Jimmy Safechuck in 2013.

What it doesn’t mention is that it was dismissed because Robson had missed the 12-month statutory deadline after Jackson’s death. The judge did not rule on the credibility of the allegations.

A second claim against MJJ Productions and MJJ Ventures, two companies owned by Jackson, was dismissed because a judge ruled that as Jackson was the sole shareholder of the companies, no one else had the power to override his wishes. Again, the judge did not rule on the credibility of the allegations.

Legal proceedings that go unmentioned in the article is Jackson paying millions to the families of children he allegedly abused.

These include a $23m settlement to the family of Jordy Chandler, who claimed Jackson groomed and molested him.

Wade Robson and Michael Jackson

The circumstances surrounding the settlement are far too complicated to go into here, but it is worth noting the boy was reportedly able to accurately describe marks on the underside of Jackson’s penis.

Following a strip search by cops, Jackson agreed to the massive settlement. The singer claimed he made the payment in order to move on with his life and it did not represent an admission of guilt. He later expressed regret about the decision.

To Kill A Mockingbird

Vogel writes: “It is no accident that one of Jackson’s favorite books (and movies) was To Kill a Mockingbird, a story about a black man—Tom Robinson—destroyed by false allegations.”

Jackson enjoying a book beloved by millions is no indication of guilt or innocence, whatever its subject matter.

No physical evidence

When Jackson’s homes were ransacked in two police raids in 2005, nothing incriminating was found, writes Vogel.

There is rarely physical evidence in cases of historical sex abuse.

Jackson’s defenders

The article states that “dozens of individuals who spent time with Jackson as kids continue to assert nothing sexual ever happened”.

It adds: “This includes hundreds of sick and terminally ill children such as Bela Farkas (for whom Jackson paid for a life-saving liver transplant) and Ryan White (whom Jackson befriended and supported in his final years battling AIDS).”

It also lists celebrity defenders like Macaulay Culkin, Sean Lennon, Emmanuel Lewis, Alfonso Ribeiro, and Corey Feldman, as well as Jackson’s nieces, nephews, and his own three children.

So, the fact that Michael Jackson didn’t molest these particular children is indicative of his innocence as a whole? And the fact his friends did not witness any abuse means its unlikely to have happened?

Paedophiles identify and carefully groom vulnerable victims they can coerce into silence and go to extreme lengths to hide their crimes from friends and family.

The donations highlighted are also irrelevant to the issue – Jimmy Savile raised millions for charities.

Public target

The article states: “As an eccentric, wealthy, African American man, Michael Jackson has always been a target for litigation.

“During the 1980s and 1990s, dozens of women falsely claimed he was the father of their children.

“He faced multiple lawsuits falsely claiming he plagiarized various songs. As recently as 2010, a woman named Billie Jean filed a frivolous $600 million paternity lawsuit against Jackson’s Estate.”

This is false equivalency. Jackson being the victim of frivolous litigation doesn’t mean all accusations against him are not credible.

Also, false sexual abuse allegations are incredibly rare.

Michael’s defenders (again)

The Forbes article concludes that none of the people who knew Jackson best believed he was a child molester.

This Vanity Fair article shows that statement to be simply incorrect. And there are at least two boys who arguably knew him better than anyone who believe he was.

Protected sex – Adult toy firm releases insurance for vibrators

This risque little piece didn’t get any pick-up, so I thought I’d bung it on here.

A sex toy manufacturer now offers insurance for broken and STOLEN vibrators.

Womanizer, working with tech insurer hepster, offers an annual policy for its premium adult toys for £17.

The idea was born when a hepster employee had her sex toys swiped on holiday.

Hepster co-founder Hanna Bachmann said: “The idea for sex toy insurance came to us when one of our colleagues told us about the unfortunate end to her surfing vacation.

“On the last evening of her trip, she and her friends were celebrating with another group of girls in her hotel room.

The Womanizer

“Once everybody had left, she realized someone had stolen her Womanizer. At first this made us all laugh, but after looking closer, we saw an obvious problem had been revealed.

“Even when the Womanizer is covered by the warranty against damages, a protection against unforeseen issues like theft is missing.

“The loss of an item can hurt a lot, especially with sex toys, which often sit in a mid to high price range.

“So, with that came the idea of the first insurance for sex toys in the world.”

The policy works like mobile phone insurance to protect against damage, destruction and theft – including improper handling like the use of the wrong lubricant.

The scheme is being released in Germany as a trial before a global release.

“We often have customers write to us, whose Womanizers have met an unfortunate end through external, often bizarre, incidents—for example, chewed up by a dog," added Johanna Rief, head of communications at Womanizer.

"All of these cases were not covered by the warranty. We had already been considering the integration of insurance-based protections.

“When hepster got in contact with us, we were enthusiastic about the idea and the chance to work together. That was the birth of our sex toy insurance.”

Claim to please

Victoria, 29, wrote in a testimonial:

“My dog Rambo lived with me for several years before the Womanizer moved in.

Rambo is my best friend and the most faithful and reliable companion I have ever had in my life, but he has a quirk - he hates sex sounds.

“Every time it gets louder, he yells, howls, barks, and chews my shoes.

“Rambo had to go down the hall. He raged there a few times, but eventually accepted his fate. So far so good.

“But one evening I was looking for my Womanizer and I was absolutely sure that I had left it on my dresser.

“When I vacuumed the apartment the next day and moved Rambo's basket, I found my Womanizer, littered with bite marks.

“So Rambo got his way in the end. At least for a short time.”